There is phosphorous in the ocean
and if conditions are right, if it might be the rainy season, at night
the particles agitate and light up
the ocean will glow
science says this is due to a combination of phosphorous and bio-luminescent single-celled algae
the natives say the ocean waits, and then chooses if it will show itself to you
I woke up this morning feeling impossible
our last night in Sayulita, it rained
not quite torrential but enough to
flicker the lights up and down the tiny main street
our second to last night in Sayulita
I ran away from the campfire to the water's edge
stuck my feet in
and saw the ocean glow
when you sleep by the ocean the ocean rocks you to sleep
the sound of the waves seeps into your brain
and cradles you
when I slept by the ocean I swear
I could feel my body swinging
rolling
dreams of phosphorous
and undertows
still cradle me
feeling impossible, I walked into starbucks for my morning coffee
walked in to my ex-boyfriend
we had not spoken in months
after work, we went out for a beer
and all of a sudden we were drunk at the bus stop
one of our favorite past-times
I guess I was feeling nostalgic
I guess I wanted us again
I don't know what I expected to happen
I guess a part of me that thought it would prove something
prove that people come back
I know it's stupid
I know they never really do
now, hours later, I feel like I have to puke
too full of impossible things for one day
I want a sleeping bag in a tent
instead of this cemetery in my bedroom
trade all this uncertainty
for the rocking and cradling
science says we are our DNA
tiny letters on a helix spelling out important traits
me, a native of my body, I say people wait
and when conditions are right they will show themselves to you
just because you don't see it doesn't mean they don't glow
just because he might come back doesn't mean it was a good idea the first time
so I called up the first guy I thought I could be with since then
I said I feel impossible
he said I don't know the meaning of the word
I said I wish I was in mexico
he said here is my heart, it is a plane ticket
I know you won't know take me with you but
if it's possible, send me a postcard
on the back write a poem about how in love you are with the beach and the sunsets and how well you are sleeping
he said science has only recently found the evidence of what makes the ocean glow, there are still mysteries down there
so, swim
and from the satellite photos I'll know it's you
he said there is nothing we can do to make people come back after they go away
people are not boomerangs
they are flesh
we are not islands
we are oceans
I said if that's the case, you will get caught in my undertow
while you lay by me I will dream of leaving
I said it's starting to rain
can you see me?
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